Flirting dating sites
When I tell people that I work as an online-dating assistant, their initial reaction is of morbid curiosity. But the intake interviewer seemed just as interested in my ethical flexibility as he was in the journalistic details of my résumé. ” Would I be comfortable ranking clients’ photographs? I learned that there are two main types of writers at the company: “Profile Writers,” who create seductive and click-worthy profiles based on facts our clients have supplied about themselves, and “Closers,” who log in to clients’ dating accounts at least twice a day to respond to messages from matches.
In November 2017, I ran across an ad seeking “people with good Tinder skills” for a job as a “Virtual Dating Assistant.” At first I thought it was a joke, but I completed their online form out of pure fascination. Apparently, professional writers make for good online-dating assistants; knowing how to seduce strangers with the written word is the company’s mandate, after all.
“Let her know what you want in a woman and make her explain why she fits those criteria.”“I’m not a psychologist or self-proclaimed expert in the multiple facets of human psychology,” Valdez told Quartz in a phone call.
“I consider myself to be a marketer, a matchmaker, and a dating expert.” He lists the books he’s read that inform his methods: Malcolm Gladwell’s “Online dating takes effort, and effort equals time,” he continued.
These people are often in their early 20s; young women with less dating savvy are easy targets for the company’s methods.
“Rule 1: Don’t make her think too hard,” the manual says.
As part of the company’s all-inclusive service, Matchmakers will scour these platforms for potential matches and then send copy-and pasted opening messages to those who fulfill their clients’ preferences, such as “must love cats” or “should know how to cook.”But combing through each woman’s profile would require too much time, so Matchmakers are instead taught to generalize a client’s preferences as much as possible and then select an opening line that could work for hundreds of women. That’s easy: Client X’s Matchmaker can search the company manual for the word “travel” and select from a handful of vague travel-related greetings.
Originally a sales guy with no time for “real dates,” Valdez grew Vi DA’s brand out of his own experiences in the dating world.“When writing sales copy…the goal is to reduce her ‘cognitive load’ so she’s more likely to reach the end and still have energy to write out a reply.”What does a “low cognitive load” pick-up line look like?My personal favorite: These pick-up lines are mostly sent by a third type of employee, “Matchmakers,” who send out opening messages en masse across every dating platform imaginable: Tinder, Bumble, match.com, POF, Luxy, and Seeking Arrangement, to name just a few.“Before my life had gotten so crazy, I’d managed to develop some material that worked really well on the dating sites I was using.But I was at the point where I was only able to return messages sporadically, which obviously didn’t go too well with the matches I was interested in.”“I found myself wishing there were two of me,” he continued.One male Closer told me that it felt rewarding to “help men too old to understand the internet,” and that “some people are too busy for all that.” Another writer told me that “finding love is a mysterious process, so we use data.”The service’s data-driven approach to professional flirting became clear to me during my training.“We’ve discovered that a surprisingly large portion of the online dating process can be systematized into what is essentially clerical work,” read one line in my training manual.“With [dating apps’] explosion in popularity, it means that you have a huge dating pool at your fingertips, but you’re also in direct competition with everyone else in your area.So if you want to have a chance at meeting your most intriguing matches, you need to have the best possible profile, photos, and messages.”In my guise as a middle-aged American male, it’s my job to pursue women on our clients’ behalf.The manuals have titles like , and are loaded with his personal insights into the primal female brain.We are to treat them as dating-assistant gospel.“There’s no question about it,” reads one chapter, “women want to date the alpha male.